Options

Last night, Joshua brought home the option pathway recommended by his school which will lead to the best possible outcome for GCSE success.  It took me back to 1986 when I took my GCSE options.  I still vividly recall how my academic year across the country were the first to take the transition from GCEs and CSEs to plain GCSEs. The doubts and criticisms that they would be easy, worry that coursework would be abused and undertaken by relatives and friends and that the exams would be soft.  Concern that employers would not take them seriously and that within a decade the educational establishments would realise their error and revert back to the old system, leaving me and thousands of others with seemingly useless qualifications.  How wrong they were.


Looking through Joshua's option paths I found myself longing to be back at school.  I envied him slightly that he's now starting the point in life where his choices become important.  Reading through the subject summaries I found myself excited at the content of some of the courses, and at times got rather carried away trying to convince him how interesting and exciting some subjects were, which inevitably turned out to be the subjects he's really not interested in!  Looking at the History content, he liked the course, but did not relish the idea of writing long essays, the same for the compulsory English Literature.  I was baffled. Strange boy!  How could he possibly find essay writing a chore?  I still remember walking into my A'level English Literature exam literally champing at the bit to get started on the four essays I had to write in three hours - was I mad?  Probably.

I'm thrilled he's being forced to do a language.  Seems cruel, I know, but I have the benefit of parental hindsight.  My bitterness at not being allowed to do languages because apparently getting 91% in German and 27% in French supposedly meant I didn't have a grasp of languages, so because I failed French I wasn't allowed to take the  German GCSE I so passionately wanted to do.  To this day it still baffles and angers me.  I'm glad that Joshua has to learn a second language - it's a skill he'll be grateful for one day.  To my delight he favours German.  He's getting the chance I never had.

In sciences he prefers physics and chemistry.  I was a biology fan.  He likes Maths and all things technical.  I liked all things creative.

But what I really like is that he has sat with me, talked with me and discussed his feelings about subjects, what he loves, what he hates, where his strengths are, where his weaknesses are, his doubts, his fears, his worries and his concern at getting halfway through courses and being disillusioned.  I'm finding it a privilege that he is sharing all this with me and not just ticking random boxes or picking subjects that he's comfortable with or naturally gifted at in an attempt to get the decision making done and out of the way.  He's impressed me with how mature he's being about it all.  He has a few weeks to choose, so now I'm stepping back for a few days to let him work out his own routes.  I'll be there to support him, to advise him and where necessary to push him, but ultimately, the choices are his.

Dib Dib Dib

Following last week's exciting moment where Sam became a real Beaver Scout after his investiture, which involved receiving his woggle, badges and learning to shake hands as a lefty, he proudly came home from school earlier in the week with a notification from that as it was World Thinking Day on the 22nd, he was allowed to wear his Beaver uniform to school. 

He has waited with excited anticipation for me to sew the badges onto his sweater for a few days now, but last night because I was only halfway through putting them on when it became bedtime, I had to promise him I would absolutely,without fail, ensure they were sewn on ready for the morning.  His excitement and reliance on me to carry out my promise struck me.  He's just a little dude, no real worries and no concerns about life, according to me, an adult.  Important things to him are being allowed to play on the monkey bars at school, being allowed to watch a DVD in Mum and Dad's bed before bedtime and making sure badges are sewn on a jumper in time to display them at school.  The funny thing is, none of them are achievement badges or skills badges, just the Scout logo, and the district, county and colony badge - but they were still important to him and my promise was clung to.

It's easy to get carried away with the seemingly major important things in life and to forget the little things that really matter.  To Sam it REALLY mattered that these badges were on in time, so last night, after finishing the last badge I went quietly into his room to see if he was awake and he was - just about.  Holding the jumper up to his weary eyes I whispered to him that they were all done and ready for him to wear the next day.  A huge smile appeared, the eyes opened widely and I received the most enormous hug and kiss.

It was a special moment.  There's plenty of time left yet for him to worry about the things I consider big.

Messing About On The River

I've had a lovely day today.  Most of the time when I book a day off work, it's to do housework or something else domestic, but this year I promised Sam and Eleanor I'd try to take more time off to spend with them on school trips.  This has meant working quite late some evenings to work up the flexi for the days off, but it's been worth it to just spend time with each of them.

There seems to be something really special about having your Mum come along on a school trip.  Eleanor thoroughly enjoyed having me come along and leading her group.

Today we visited the Henley River and Rowing Museum.  It was a beautiful day, great bunch of kids, river ride up and back through the lock and a visit to the Wind In The Willows exhibition.  The River Thames is stunning.  I realised today I need to take the kids to more places like this - we live by some beautiful river areas and locks.  As a kid I used to spend a lot of time at Boulters Lock in Maidenhead, where I grew up.  I would cycle to see my best friend in Cookham every week and we'd swim across the river there and I used to canoe at Hurley sometimes too.

A Splash Of Memories

Us parents have to constantly judge whether it's right to become stressed about something when teaching our kids.  Some days things bother us more than others.  Some days we worry too much about what other people are thinking or saying.  Some days we don't realise that when we say 'no', it's not because it does our kids any harm, but more because we can't be bothered dealing with the things that follow.

So, occasionally, I dig out these photos below and remind myself that some days I can just say 'yes'.  Like this day in July 2007 when coming home on the last day of the school term, the local area flooded.  We were faced with this and the only choice we had was to go through it and get extremely wet, or trudge the long way round.  Maddie and Joshua had a schoolfriend coming home for tea and after much begging on their part, followed by a quick mobile call to their friend's Mum, the go-ahead was given for them to dive in and 'swim' in the field on the way home.  

They had such fantastic fun coming home that day.  Admittedly, had it been the day before, they would have probably had to walk the long way round. But occasionally us parents need to chill, to stand back and just let our kids be kids and let them do those mad little things, that ordinarily we'd never dream of letting them do. 

So, if you're a parent, let go once in a while, let the kids do something a little wacky - as long as they're safe, no offence is caused to other people and nothing gets damaged, ask yourself where the harm is?  If there isn't any, give them those precious moments to dive in and swim.

Friends

I adore this picture.  My son, Sam, is on the left. 

Two little boys holding hands waiting their turn on a fun game.  Two little hands that speak many words.  'You're my friend and we're in this together'.  When they're older, they won't be holding hands with each other, but I hope when they both become young men, they have the same attitude and conviction of heart that extends their hands to any friend that needs them.

Rundown Days

I often get people asking me how I cope with having four kids, house to run, church things, commuting to work, working outside the home, fitting in a social life, doing shopping, etc and sometimes the answer is quite simple.  I don't always cope.  I get days where I'm so utterly exhausted I don't know what to do with myself.  Sometimes it's not physical exhaustion, but mental meltdown from having to shuffle so much information, remember who has to be where and when, who needs what, what needs to be paid to whom, how much they want, when do they want it by, what form needs to be handed in, who needs what sports kit today, who's at after school club, who needs picking up, who's walking home, what's for dinner, what e-mails are more urgent, has that staff member got their pay rise, has the translation for this letter been received, has this manager got enough money to pay that contractor, what time is it in Kirkee so I can speak to a technical manager on tour about something, have I filled in the information on this database, have I returned medical certificates to regional offices because they're written in Arabic and I can't understand a word that's written, what time am I leaving work today, is there enough petrol in the car, do I have a babysitter for tonight, is the washing done, has the dog been walked, have the pets been fed, are the clothes on the kids bedroom floor there because they're dirty or are the kids too lazy to put them away, have I replied to that birthday invitation one of them brought home yesterday, have I read my Bible today, have I prayed today ........

Life.  Just plain ordinary busy hectic life.  But some days it gets too much and I wake up feeling totally overwhelmed.  Headaches start, I get short tempered and snarky with the people around me I love and they take the brunt of my vain attempts to do it all under my own strength, despite me having a wonderful husband who does so much to help and often tells me to stop worrying about things.  So, today I'm off work, because I'm feeling a bit grotty and run down.  But instead of vegging in front of the television I've decided to use some time to be a Mary, rather than a Martha and I'm already feeling a little uplifted.  I'll be blogging more on My Martha, My Mary over the next few days as I really feel that God has given me a good talking to over the last couple of weeks and I'm starting to find my balance.

Grasping independence

My eldest son, Joshua, 12, is a smart kid.  Having gone online last week and wheeled and dealed his way around the Internet finding a mobile phone contract deal that would undercut the current ones I held for him and his sister, he managed to find a way of getting them both a brand new smart phone each that had all the gadgets they desired, for less than I was currently spending each month.  Having previously told him that an upgrade was out of the question as I was not prepared to spend more money, I found myself having to concede to his request as he quite rightly pointed out my fears were unfounded and that I'd actually make a saving.

As a parent I could have reacted two ways.  One is that I could have got angry that he continued to pursue something I'd originally said no to and punished him.  Or, as I chose, I could have held back and allowed him to rise to the challenge and make his own discoveries.

I'm glad I did.  With his perseverance and for being sensible, gathering the facts in, making sure the tariffs were correct, working out Internet bolt ons, researching through the current provider what his current text and talk usages were, he could compare differing offers and make an informed choice about which level of contract would suit him.  He wasn't greedy, he didn't demand extra applications and he even made sure he stayed with the same network so calls between family remained free of charge.

The money issue itself was not my main concern.  My children know we have limited budgets for some things, tight budgets for others, miracles in waiting for some things and variable budgets for others.  We've tried over the years to be honest with them about money and spending and to search for good deals, not to be tempted into impulse buying, not to be sucked into the latest craze and to analyse whether they'll really use something. So to see my son actively and quite naturally using these criteria for obtaining something he desired was wonderful to see.  It showed me he's growing up wisely, that he's thinking things through analytically before making decisions and it's confirming to me that he is listening to us when we try to advise him.  As a parent it's uplifting to see your child make wise decisions, not just because a yes or no option has been put before them, but because they've taken an idea and developed it.

There are times he does things for me because I don't understand how to use them, or he explains how something is made or how it works.  Usually with a big cheeky smile on his face and a roll of the eyes because my level of ability is at 'muppet' level.  There are a lot of times he's just the boy he is, but I'm confident that as he grows, and as time goes on, I'll have to let go a little more each time and allow him to take hold of opportunities.  This week it was just a mobile phone, but it won't be long before those choices become more complex and he'll be able to take life with both hands and get the best value out of it he can.

Oh, and their phones arrived yesterday.

Unrequited Love

Joshua is approaching that tender age for boys.  The age where in front of his mates he's a real lad and girls are just starting to get a little bit interesting.  Not a lot, but a little.

He lost his first crush to another school.  The void in his little heart remaining vacant until 'The New Girl' arrived.  We'll call her Samantha.

'The New Girl' is American and Joshua's sweet on her.  So sweet that he confided in me he was going to ask her on a date.  But his timing had to be precise as she has been 'dating' another boy in the class.  We'll call him John.

John and Samantha have broken up at least six times now.  However, John has only managed to impress Samantha with a trip to McDonalds.  Joshua was going to go one better and suggest the movies, complete with popcorn and coke.  How could she resist?!

But it was with a heavy heart he came home and informed me that Samantha liked him - REALLY liked him, but was 'getting over her relationship break-up'.  So, Joshua's going to 'give her time' and then ask her again.

When you're ten years old, time is important and recovery takes 'time'.

So I presume he'll be asking her again on Friday then.  He needs to get in there quick before John gets in for a seventh attempt!!

Chocolate miracles

I'm on form for Christmas this year.  Not only have I made the Christmas cakes, mincemeat for mince pies, bought some of the food, 99% of the children's presents, sorted out the Christmas cards for the school post-boxes for the children, made chocolate filled crackers for the tree but also the advent calendars for the children have been prepped and ready for over a month now.  Yeah!! Go me!

I'm particularly impressed with myself because usually each year I forget about the cloth pocketed advent calendars stored in the loft and usually end up in 'The store formerly known as Woolworths', buying some gaudy overpriced cardboard monstrosity with naff chocolates you wouldn't even feed to your dog.  This year I remembered the ones in the loft and bought M&S naff Christmas chocolates.  I don't have a dog, so the children are getting them instead.

The children are happy.

Eleanor's extremely happy.

So am I.

The arrival of her advent calendar has had a remarkably miraculous effect.  For the last two days instead of having to ask her at least six or seven times to do whatever it is she needs to do in the morning, like brush her hair, brush her teeth, get dressed for school, put lunch in bag, brush her hair, put lunch in bag, brush her teeth, get dressed, brush her hair......... she's been up, dressed, ready, brush in hand, breakfast eaten and stood waiting by her calendar.

The lure of one little chocolate has turned my daughter from the most disorganised child into a fine example of military readiness.

I'm enjoying it while it lasts because I know come New Year, it will all go pear-shaped and the stuck record of my monotonous repeated ramblings will be ringing in her ears again, Eleanor, get dressed, brush your teeth, eat your breakfast, brush your hair, brush your teeth, get dressed, pack your lunch.......

Underwater Tricks

It wasn't until this morning that I realised Eleanor had no idea of the distance between us and Joshua at the moment as she posed this.

'Mummy, Joshua went to France on a train that goes under the sea. Did he hold his breath?'

I couldn't do anything else but hug her!

The Channel Divide - Day 3

Wednesday night was declared 'Hot Chocolate' night. I didn't realise until a friend pointed out to me that this week was Chocolate Week. Had I known that I'd have started this all on Monday and got maximum mileage out of the celebration!

So, supplies were gathered in for the ultimate hot chocolate sensation. Squirty cream, mini marshmallows, hundreds and thousands, chocolate chips and toffee sauce. This was going to be goooood!!!

Pour in the hot chocolate, load on the toppings, be careful not to let it topple!

A quick lick of the lips, wring of the hands and we're ready to dive in!

YUM YUM YUM!

Meanwhile, across the Channel, Joshua had also been busy.....

Wednesday 14th October 8.50pm

Today we went to Rouen which involved lots of walking but also lots of exciting sightseeing! We explored and learnt about the Notre Dame Cathedral (not the Paris one!!), learnt the story of Joan of Arc and saw where she had been burnt at the stake, ate lunch in the park and went shopping!

When we got back to the Chateau, we had some free time. Some of us played football and made some French friends whilst others had some chill out time in the dorms (well maybe not quite so chilled out....!). Then it was time for our group activities which were either archery or climbing wall.

Food tonight was mixed cold vegetables to start followed by fish and rice. We then had a cheese plate and an apple pastry for dessert. Evening activity tonight is team tech which involves lots of thinking (oh dear!!!!!!).

We think the late nights and long days may be beginning to catch up with us, however we are determined to carry on having lots of fun and new adventures!!

The Channel Divide - Day 2

Eagerly logging on Tuesday night to find out what Joshua had been up to I was pleased to see the teachers had taken time out of their really busy day to update us Mums and Dads on what the children had been doing. Sounds like they're having a great time.

At this point I wasn't missing him too much. I knew he'd arrived safely and I knew he was having fun with his friends. I could relax.

Having one less at home does afford the opportunity to spend a little more time with the other children. This week, Maddie and I have declared that each evening we should have a girlie treat, of the chocolate variety, before she goes to bed.

Tonight was chocolate fondue night. I usually avoid doing this kind of messy stuff before bed, but with the cunning use of a tealight, metal pie dish and a peg, we mustered up our own mini-fondue and tucked into melted chocolate, maderia cake cubes, marshmallows and apple chunks.

We're going to introduce Joshua to this when he's back - he'd love it. And whilst we were enjoying this little luxury here's what he got up to on day 2.

Tuesday 13th October 9pm

Another busy day in France! Breakfast was at 7.45 this morning after what turned out to be a late night with 28 excited children deciding that they didn't actually want to go to sleep (quote 'we stopped talking at 3.20am....!!). We have had a great day out visiting the WW1 underground tunnels at Arras followed by walking through the German and Allied trenches at Vimy Ridge. We then went to a very impressive memorial monument, also at Vimy Ridge.

When we arrived back at the Chateau we headed straight down to the beach with some frisbees, giant jenga, a basketball and a rugby ball. These were surplus to requirements though as the children just wanted to build stone trenches!! At least they have been inspired!

Dinner tonight was carrot salad for starters followed by pork meatloaf and beans. Dessert was a cheese plate and yoghurt and after all of that we even managed to save some room for Will's birthday cake!

The final activity for today is either archery or fencing. Hopefully bedtime tonight will be earlier than last night as we have a full day out tomorrow exploring Rouen!

The Channel Divide - Day 1

Joshua's in France this week and I'm missing him. But the pangs of separation are being dampered by the fact the teachers are putting a daily update on the school web page to keep parents informed of the day to day activities the children are undertaking. It will be great to see the pictures he has taken to accompany the round up of each day's events. I last saw him 8.30am Monday morning. By evening this is what he'd done.

Monday 12th October 9.30pm

We are here!! As you can probably tell from the delay in updating this page, we have had a very busy start to our trip! The journey went well with lots of excitement whilst travelling through the tunnel and even more excitement when we realised we had reached France (quote 'I love France now' and 'I can even smell France!')

We had a great stop off at Nausicaa Sea Centre, touching stingrays, seeing the sharks close up, watching the penguins being fed and laughing at the sealions playing!

The journey on to the Chateau seemed very long (quote 'are we there yet' and 'how long until we get there' over and over and over and over......!!)

We finally arrived at the Chateau at about 6.30pm and after the initial excitment of seeing the dorms and playing some field games it was dinner time. On the menu tonight was cheese pie for starter, sausage with cabbage and potato for the main course followed by yoghurt and fruit for dessert.

The final end to the day has been mini olympics in the sports hall.

Everyone is very tired but still excited and looking forward to what tomorrow may bring!

The Long Weekend

Joshua has probably spent the longest weekend of his life these past two days. Because when you're 10 years old and going to France for a week with your schoolfriends, Monday morning can't come quick enough.

He's usually pretty good at playing it cool, but this one was too much for him to contain. Armed with the kit list on Saturday afternoon, the hints of packing prep were coming. Just checking certain shirts were in the drawer, sorting out an empty backpack to take for the day trips, trip to the shops for a new pair of trainers, making sure no washing was due to be done so the all important trendy stuff was clean and ready. Check, check, check.

By 5pm the desire to pack was getting too much. Could Dad just get the suitcase down now? Assured the suitcase would come down in good time, excitement then turned to attitude with huffy puffy blows of 'fine', grunting up from somewhere inside his body. The chimpanzee arms swinging by his side and the hunch of his back as the realisation that still at least another day was in waiting before departure.

By 7pm we relented. A very excited boy busy packing his case, checking off his list and counting his Euros.

Then the tummy problems started. 'Mummmm, I've got stomach ache'. 'It's because you're excited, it's perfectly normal, don't worry'. 'I'm NOT excited, babies get excited'. 'You're 10, going abroad for the first time with all your friends, trust me Joshua, you ARE excited and it's OK to be'. 'Oh, alright then.'

Saturday night, skulking off to bed - far too wound up to sleep. How on earth was I going to get him through two nights?! Sunday morning unable to contain himself, the decision to abandon rugby training was taken as his mind would not be on the game. The last thing I needed was the air ambulance arriving due to his lack of concentration, making him the 3rd player to be escorted off the field like this. Taking no chances, he asked to come to church with us instead - big result - YAY for that!!

Lunchtime - not hungry. Not excited apparently, just 'not hungry'. What to do with him in the afternoon? I know, we'll all go swimming - that will take his mind off it. Dinner time - FINALLY, he eats.

Bedtime - surprisingly he settled quite early. But three trips to the bathroom last night, an early wake, fully dressed and not interested in breakfast, shoes on by 7.30am, we set off with case in tow, wallet stuffed with various coins and notes, EHIC card ready, rice milk in a bag and off to school.

28 very excited 10 and 11 year olds departed at 8.30 this morning. It's a great bunch of kids going and he's going to have the time of his life. I'll see just how much when he gets back and develops the three disposable cameras he's taken.

Moving On Up

Joshua's tour of possible secondary school choices ended last night and finally he's made his selection and order of preference. Now all I have to do is fill in the forms and send them off.

It's been interesting watching him throughout his deliberations. Seeing him form opinions before he's even seen some schools, reasoning that certain schools are worth a visit for this reason, why this school seems good for that reason and why some schools are just a plain no-go in the first place.

Having been encouraged by his form teacher to sit the local grammar school exam, Joshua's first reaction was to completely balk at the idea and protest because everybody would think he was a geek if he went there. Until that is, he found out that three other boys in his year group at school were also being persuaded by their parents to sit the exam. All these boys being non-geeks in Joshua's opinion.

So, the visit to the school was arranged, with Joshua moaning fervently in the back of the car that the children would all be Tefal headed, goofy teethed mad professor types with middle partings and how his future as a normal kid was doomed. He wanted a school where he could hang out with his friends, come home on his bike and do just enough homework to get some good grades at GCSE. He has no intention of university because apparently nowhere offers a BA Chef's degree!

But the view was to be quashed when moving around the school he met and spoke to schoolmasters and current pupils who explained things to him, who engaged him in conversation, invited him to take part in experiments and went through puzzles with him. His utter joy at seeing the football posts relegated to the side of the field to see the older boys playing the only game worthy of a ball - his beloved rugby!

His assessment at the end - school choice number one - both because the criteria for entering grammar school is based on it being first choice on the council application and because, 'Actually, it looks really good Mum, and they don't all walk around with jam jar glasses holding their fingers in the air shouting Eureka!'

School choice number two has turned out to be the local catchment comprehensive. I am not qualified to comment as his father viewed this one with him, but having heard back from both of them that it is indeed pretty impressive, with an outstanding Ofsted, I have to back down from my original opinion of it being a cattle market due to the sheer volume of pupils on the roll. It has a proven record - I can't argue with that.

Number three is another local comprehensive that specialises in Computing and Maths, one which Joshua spent a maths day at earlier this year and thoroughly enjoyed.

It's difficult knowing whether the choices we make for him are right. But I hang my head in shame knowing that his deliberations at the age of 10 were far more mature than mine at that age. I had a choice of the local comprehensive mixed school or the single sex one nearby. My sole reason for going to the mixed was because I didn't like the fact the headteacher at the girls school was so strict and the uniforms were ugly.

When One Evening Poses a Lifestyle Dilemma

I have long battled with the ethics of Halloween and whether I should allow my children to partake in parties, dressing up and going house to house Trick or Treating. Primarily my Christian beliefs err me on the side of denying them this experience as it is clear that any dabbling with the occult in any form is forbidden by God. I get that. But my children aren't going out to curse the neighbour who doesn't give them a Curly Wurly.

I spoke briefly to my older two children last night and asked what they understood from Halloween. Their instant response was that it was a way to get lots of sweets and it was fun to dress up and knock on doors in the dark. They see it as a simple fun night out. I see no reason to go into the history of witches, wizards and demons and frighten the life out of them and subject them to knowledge of that 'festival', that is unnecessary for them to be aware of at the moment. It can be argued that children are to be taught the Bible in its entirety and I completely agree, but age appropriate. Just as I don't deem it suitable for my children to learn about the intracacies of witchcraft, neither do I deem it appropriate for them to learn about Soddom and Gomorrah. At the moment.

I've mentioned to other Christians that I've allowed my children to Trick or Treat and some have fallen silent on me and others have pulled their breath in through their teeth. Some have offered ideas on how they deal with Halloween and others have simply said they don't see the harm in one evening of fun. So reaction and guidance has been mixed. Some Christian parents think it's wrong, others tend to let the evening go by with minimum fuss.

So, my thoughts are further extended when I pursue my line of thinking into what I consider to be the bigger picture. As a Christian if I refuse my children permission to Trick or Treat, should I then extend the ban to all Harry Potter movies? Or maybe Star Wars is dodgy because of the portrayal of good verses evil? James Bond movies - a man licensed to kill, who shoots without remorse and beds a few women - not very Christian is it? Should my children be told that although CS Lewis was a Christian man and wrote symbollic novels, the fact he characterises a witch in them deems the TV adaptations unsuitable to watch. Should my children read The Screwtape Letters with portrayals of conversation from the Devil? Or is it OK, because CS Lewis was a Christian, so therefore exempt from the blanket ban?

Do I admit to my younger children the truth about Father Christmas? Do I reveal to them that it is wrong to lie about a fictional character they never see? After all, they've never physically seen Jesus or God, so will they believe His existence to be as transparent as that of Santa? Of course, there are no similiarities, but take away reason, logic and education and see it through the eyes of a child, where do you draw the line about what you tell your children? Should I reveal the truth about the tooth fairy, or is she OK to exist as a lie because she's harmless?

As a parent and an adult I have a responsbility to direct my children towards a Christian life. To mould them and encourage them to live a life that Jesus taught them to live. I have been given charge of their lives to direct them as close to Christ as I can for them to come to Him when the calling is theirs. I have a major impact in the formation of their thinking and opinons, but there are some areas I am not content to force opinons on them, when I feel reaction is blown out of all proportion. The simple act of dressing up for one night to increase the sweetie stash is not going to result in my children putting a ouija board on their Christmas list or requesting a seance at their next sleepover.

What I'm trying to say here is that as a parent I have to weigh up the pros and cons of every activity my children partake in, be it Halloween, watching a movie, reading books, opening presents labelled from Santa, putting teeth under their pillow etc. As their mother I have to consider whether I am constant in my role to them and whether I am picking and choosing the parts that suit me best, because the connotation behind the deception in some cases is deemed as harmless. So, I have to ask myself that if I ban Trick or Treating, then how far do I extend the coverage of limiting the essence of their childhood?

What's In A Name?

I remember with each of my pregnancies thinking long and hard about the names I wanted to give my children. Andy and I had our reasons for certain names and reasons against them. Some names would lend themselves to be shortened to something that didn't flow right with the surname, or perhaps the initials turned out to be a rather unsuitable acronym.

Andy's one insistence was that the children did not share their initials as this would make the issue of post later in life very confusing. If letters were address to people with the same initials, who opened it first?

My insistence was that my children did not have names that reminded me negatively of people. So when choosing names I instantly dismissed some suggestions as the name would be associated with somebody I perhaps went to school with who was unpleasant, or was the name of a particularly difficult person I'd worked with in the past. I couldn't name my child the same as somebody that irked me. Family names were also ruled out as I'm not a fan of naming children after aunts or uncles or the like.

We also wanted names that could be shortened without sounding ridiculous and also names that were classic and ageless. No Britney's or Brad's for us.

So, I was rather astonished this morning when I mentioned to Sam that we were spending part of our day off tomorrow meeting an ex-work colleague for coffee. He asked me what her name as and when informed her name was Sue, he said, 'I like Sue, she's nice'. Sam's met Sue a couple of times in the office, but I know for sure he has no recollection of her, so I asked him what it was he liked about Sue. Instantly, without even thinking about it, he replied, 'When I go for coffee and a biscuit with Granddad, there is a Sue in the coffee shop and she's really nice. So, all Sues in coffee shops are nice. That's how I know'.

Already, at the age of four, he is associating names with his own memories and formed opinions of people. It's amazing to see the little idiosyncracies he is already displaying at such a young age and to see him using them to determine whether or not he is happy with a situation that is about to arise, or whether he is comfortable about meeting somebody.

Crazy Vet

Eleanor had a day home from school yesterday. Feeling very lethargic and unwell she managed to convince me that a day at home to rest and a recover was in order. I get days like that too. Not ill or unwell, but just drained and out of energy and in need of a day of nothing. I understood where she was coming from. She was hard to wake, tearful and lacking motivation to do anything, whereas usually she's up and bustling around, eager to get to school and see her friends.

But as soon as she's down, she's up again. Within 3 hours of being home, around lunchtime, she mustered up enough energy to eat her numberetti (spaghetti hoops made with numbers - I'm moving on from hoops as I deem numbers more fun). But not only was numberetti cheering Eleanor up, it turned out to be a great cure for Monkey.

Monkey is Sam's cuddly toy bought from Monkey World on holiday this year. I enquired as to why Monkey was on the table covered in toilet roll, only to discover that Eleanor was his vet and Sam, the very concerned owner, had brought him to her for an operation. Further investigations led to finding out that Monkey had suffered a very severe heart attack earlier that day and only had two hours to live. But no matter how critical Monkey's condition was, he was well enough to hold on to the last portion of his life, while vet and owner stopped for numberetti.

Toilet paper turned out to be bandages. At this point I'm trying so hard to stifle the laughter and show genuine concern for Monkey's plight only to nearly bust a gut holding in my giggles when the answer to my question, 'Why does Monkey have a hairband round his mouth?', was met with the very dry tutted response from Eleanor of, 'It will stop him screaming when I put the injection in'.

Monkey's op was successful. He went to bed last night with a headache. It think that's the least of his worries.

Small Gestures - Big Impact

My Mum has, after many years of groaning, finally persuaded my Dad to clear out his loft. He's not the sort of person that keeps absolutely everything, but there is a lot of stuff up there that needs to go and he's recognised this.

He called me this week to ask if I had use of some kilner jars. I haven't really if I'm totally truthful, but they evoked many happy memories. I can still picture him sitting in the kitchen surrounded by piles of pickling onions spending hours peeling them and pickling them in the giant glass jars. I think he used to get them from the local sweet shop - the proper solid glass ones with the roses chocolates lids. I couldn't bear the thought of them being dumped somewhere so I've taken them off his hands and decided to use two of them straightaway. One to fill with 5p pieces and one for coppers.

When Andy and I showed the children the jars I casually mentioned to them that I was going to try my best to fill the coppers jar up by Christmas. A kind of mini challenge. I gave myself to Christmas as the size of the jar means an awful lot of 2p and 1p pieces going in there.

So I was really touched when they all announced that they had lots of coppers in their piggy banks and that they wanted to put them in the jar. Within minutes Eleanor and Sam were both heaving their full up piggy banks down the stairs and willingly volunteering all the contents. They didn't hesitate to sort out their silver and brown coins and cheerfully enjoyed the clink clink of the coins falling in. Joshua put in the few that he had in his wallet and Maddie even put in a few she could find.

I'm now looking at a jar that is nearly three quarters full. We're going away for a week in August and while it won't hold a fortune, I've decided that whatever is in the jar when we go away will be banked up and used for a small treat, even if it's just enough for us all to have an ice-cream on the beach.

It's times like this I'm really proud of my children. Really proud that they enjoy being part of a family and working together to achieve a small goal. To be selfless in what they do, knowing it's helping somebody else complete something they've set out to do. It was a big thing for them to hand back the endless small coins I've handed them each week and it was even bigger for them to do it with absolutely no knowledge that they're going to benefit. In the great scheme of things it wasn't a huge gesture, but the sentiment behind it is my point.

It makes me hopeful about the future of this world. Not all children are selfish and insular. Sometimes we don't give our children credit for their credible actions. And sometimes, we have to admit, their attitudes put us adults to shame.

The Trouble With My Eggs

My friend Michelle very stupidly, err, I mean kindly looked after the children on Saturday while Andy and I went about the business of sorting out new mobile phones, picking up furniture from IKEA, booking carpet salesmen to come and visit the house........ No mean task when there's four of them munching their way through your larder!

But not only is Michelle a fantastic friend who's supported me and my husband through our separation and subsequent reconciliation, she has also usurped me on the egg cooking front. Not only are her dippy eggs better than mine, according to Eleanor, but Madeleine has now declared my fried eggs aren't up to scratch either as Michelle's are 'fluffier'.

So, if anyone knows how to 'fluff up' a fried egg. Please let me know. Cheers!