The Gym

I dragged my sorry butt down there today for the assessment I've been meaning to do for the past two months. But why, oh why, did I book it for the busiest time on the busiest day of the week so that I could look a completely gormless novice gonk in front of everybody?

I really don't know how I'm going to get through the next 12 weeks. My doubts being further exacerbated by the trainer's insistence that I'd get quicker results if I visit 3-4 times per week. Hello dude, it took two months to get this visit in - are you having a laugh? I've promised I'll do 2-3. After all, if I want the results, I've got to put the effort in.

Then there's the ball. I don't think he quite appreciated my apprehension at using that, considering the last time I used one I was giving birth. Big giant bouncy balls = intense pain. But then, maybe that's the point. Then I'm asked if I can lift my body weight. UH HELLO!!!! I struggled to do 15 reps with a 4kg weight in each hand - do I look like Hercules?!!

And please. What's with the blokes in front of the mirrors? They claim it's to check their posture, but do they really need four other blokes round them admiring their finely honed physiques? I've come to the conclusion that girls visit the toilets in pairs, men go down the gym in pairs. Maybe the boostering testosterone levels call for the pack effect.

Also, apparently I have high calf muscles - caused by wearing high heels. His advice; wear lower ones. I don't think so. I like my heels. Come up with another solution Buster cos it ain't gonna happen. So he did. Sadist. Rolling my calf musles over a stiff foam pad to stretch out the knots was just plain cruel. Then I had to do the other leg!

But the one thing I did go for - I'm not allowed to do at the moment. Abs. Anything abdominal causes intense pain in my lower back, so the muscles have to be strengthened. The solution being that somehow using the ball again, pushed with feet flat against the wall I adopt an Eddie the Eagle pose and somehow push up to work the muscle. That hurt!